I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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