It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
