you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
