Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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