I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
