The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
