Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
