Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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