You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
