Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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