Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
