forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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