Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
