he puts the penis in happiness.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
