Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
