Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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