Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
