...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
