i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
