I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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