Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
