I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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