I got chris browned last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
