Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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