Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had to cum in my sink.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
