I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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