frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
