After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
