Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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