Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
