Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
