OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
