perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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