I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
