is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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