Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
