just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
