I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
