Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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