I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
try to milk me bitch
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