your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
