I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
