So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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