just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
