I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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