when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think people are normalizing furries
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
