I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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