i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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