Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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