Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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