I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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