Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
