For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
