I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
