Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
