69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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