I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
