Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
