my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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