Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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