Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
