I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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