You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
