I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
