I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
