She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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