meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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