you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
