My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
