he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
