You're my little dorito
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
