I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
