The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
