I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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