he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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