So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
